Opening Up

Dear Y'all,

Growing up I remember in elementary school wishing my parents would volunteer or be on the PTA. I don't know why this struck such a strong chord with me. I felt like I wanted my parents involved with my school and what I was doing, at least more than what they were. In high school my mother, my oldest sister and my brother attended my dance recitals, graduations, church award ceremonies and such important events. The involvement pretty much ended there. Maybe I was just greedy, but either way that's how I felt and I felt strongly about it. I never mentioned this to anyone because I felt guilty about it. I knew my father and mother were working hard. My father was sick and passed away my senior year of high school.

A blessing given to me in my young adult years told me (among other things) that I would have a desire and take part in influencing of things around me. It went on to say that it would be in my community, schools and neighborhood in gentle but firm way.
 
Other than the endless hours (over the span of my life) that I have volunteered for our church, I haven't done any real volunteer work, until now. Its not that I was against it, I just always had other priorities that I felt came first. I tried some at Lukes last two schools. It didn't really pan out due to a few different reasons, that wasn't always my fault. It never came to together the blessing and this long lost desire.

Since we have moved here Wingate Elementary has made it almost convenient for me to help out. It started out with just chaperoning the kids on various field trips. After one of them they asked if I was willing to do more. I agreed as long as I could get someone to babysit Amy.  Each time they have asked me something has worked out so that I could be there. This wasn't any small amount either. Someone close to us has been willing to watch her for free, Dennis randomly had the time off of school/work or my mother in law could come down.

The more I have done it the more I love it. Different activities such as shelving books, organizing the book fair flyers or being a EOG testing proctor aren't as fun as the zoo but its still been rewarding. The staff has come to know me. The parents in the PTO and I have become friends. It actually is a little bit of a shock to me that knowing the PTO parents because I haven't spent much time at all in their meetings. My emphasis has been during the school time hours. During school hours Luke is busy so I only had to worry about accommodating Amy. I feel like I have cast a wider net than just my church community.

 This has never happened to me before. It is a complete change. I feel like I am opening myself up in ways I never have been. A part of me is a little anxious about it. It was especially bad in the beginning, I worried about being accepted for who I was and my beliefs in Christ. While we do live in the 'bible belt' people here have a variety of religious beliefs such as Jew and Islam. The majority I would say do have a belief in Christ. I've never been the popular one and I'm still far from one but I feel like I am apart of something important. I feel like my time is valuable, I am valuable to more people than just my husband and my kids.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I have been important influence in anyones life accept for my kids. I would say though that I feel like I am a better person because of my volunteer hours. My hours of volunteering is minuscule compared to others, especially some at Wingate Elementary. Either way I feel like I have made a difference in myself.  In a way (maybe far fetched) because I am different that alone has made a difference in my community. I don't think its a coincidence either that babysitting has worked out either. I think God needed me here to help. I think he knew the desire of my heart, understood that it could work with his will and thus created the path for me to do help.

I am relieved and sad to see the school year end. I am glad things are moving forward. I am anxious to get Dennis through school and have that be over with. I am sad though that our kids are growing so fast. I feel like he is missing so much right now.  Its only temporary, it will be worth it but it is still a hard thing to swallow and move on.

Hope all is going well with you! Love,
S